I lost myself somewhere. Maybe I never knew who I was, but I didn’t like who I became. Being not treated with respect and allowing that to happen is the worst thing I ever let myself live through.. or slowly die through. I wouldn’t call that living. I couldn’t sleep, I had no appetite. I lived in constant fear. I loved the idea of working to live, and not living to work, but it turned into something else completely. Here I was searching to buy a home. MAJOR investment, life-changing event, and I knew I emotionally couldn’t handle it anymore. I realized that I should be able to work to live and live to work if I absolutely enjoyed my job. This 40 hours per week turned into 24/7 of fear/anxiety.
I finally took the leap and quit my job. It’s been the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I’m so thankful for my mother. She saw how unhappy I was, and told me that it wasn’t worth it. I guess that’s what I needed. Some reassurance that I wasn’t crazy. Some say it was a weak thing to do. “Toughen up and just search for a job, and then move on,” they would say.
I had nightmares and still couldn’t sleep for two weeks after my last day.
I’m scared of what’s to come and figuring out what I want to do, but at least I know that I took that leap.